Always Counting

There seem to be so many things in my life that contribute to a bad day. The old adage "when it rains, it pours" seems to be true more often than not. Too often I find myself falling into bed (literally, it happens when you don't have enough time to handle the growing piles of dirty laundry and shoes on your bedroom floor) and laying at the ceiling wondering where the day has gone. At work I'm right about at the bottom of the bottom. I'm the one who intercepts the heated phone calls that are directed at my boss and then gets the repercussions from my boss when he finally handles the upset customer. I don't complain because it is my job to be a sort of punching bag. I take it quietly on the chin, and try not to let it get me. 


Some days it does...


Just last week I found myself dabbing away tears after my boss rather unfairly snapped at me. I came home that day completely exhausted and emotionally wrecked. I closed the front door to my apartment behind me and slid to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees. I felt defeated, frustrated and alone. I started listing off all the bad things that had happened to me that day. The list grew and grew as I backtracked to the last week, month, year, and suddenly found myself reviewing my freshman year in college. At this point I was bawling (on the floor, classy, huh?) as I tried to remember to inhale between sobs. 


Then quite suddenly I realized that the pity party was accomplishing absolutely nothing. I picked up the phone and called my mother to relate to her my woes. She listened intently then asked if life was really all that bad. I stopped sobbing long enough to think and then confirmed that yes it was. I hung up the phone after a few more minutes and realized that with all my sobbing, wailing and venting, I didn't feel any better. 


Not even a little.


In fact, I felt worse.


Drudging up all the "wretched" things in my life had only left me feeling even more void of hope and any desire to get up off the floor. The floor! I looked around at the floor and suddenly felt the need to clean it. I grabbed the broom and started sweeping, then mopping, then I moved on to the living room where I proceeded to dust and vacuum. As I worked I began noticing the beautiful artwork that hung on my walls, the dresser I'd snagged from my favorite store and the couch my roommates parents had donated so we wouldn't have to sit on the floor. 


I began to count. 


I stood in the middle of the room and began working my way from one side to the next. My list began silently in my head but at some point I found myself listing off the different things I could see that I was thankful for out loud. When I finally completed my listen I smiled. The simple, quick act had made me feel much better than the hours of sobbing and self pity.


And so this blog was born.


With all the things out there in the world that can make you feel like the world is crashing down around you, sometimes all it takes to be lifted up, is to realize the blessings hiding in your life.


Now a days not much in my life has changed.


I still have the same job, the same frustrations, the same woes... but now, I'm always counting.