Day... oh I lost count!

This weekend my little cousin was hit by a car. I have waited by my phone all weekend for news on his condition and as the hours have turned into days, it seems that good news is just not going to come.

I love my little cousin. He has been my buddy since he was born and a picture of the two of us sits on my desk at work. It has broken my heart to think of him in pain and to think of a world that does not have him in it.

I have felt extremely tender and have developed the ability to burst into tears at any moment.

Ok, maybe that isn't a talent but I feel like that has been my life lately.

My alma mater won its football game Saturday. I got to see some friends who were in town that evening. I played with their 2 year old son and came home feeling like I was on top of the world. I listened to my roommate explain how she was having a bad day and tried to offer some comfort. I ignored the phone call from my mom and the following texts. I was sure that she simply wanted to hear how my day had gone. We have a great relationship and talk a lot so I didn't think anything of it. When I finished attempting to give my roommate a pep talk, I finally checked my phone.

When I saw my mother's explanation of what had happened and sensed how urgent the situation was, I started to cry.

Not my buddy.

It feels like it has been an eternity since I called my mom to get some more detail.

I'm currently waiting for another update. This time, I'm afraid there won't be any good news. I'm waiting for the call that says once again, his CT scan came back showing no brain activity and that the bubbling little boy I know, is not coming back.

I have been so touched over the last few days at the outpouring of love I have felt from friends and family. It is always amazing how people reach out when things like this happen. It has been overwhelming to see how much love and support I have in my life.

Day 5 and my top 5

My quick list from the week...

1. I'm grateful for my family. I'm especially thankful for my mother who patiently listens to me while I vent to her about my week.

2. Can I mention for a moment how great my friends are? I'll save details for another day, but I love how they seem to know the right thing to say, at just the right moment.

3. My bed. I love a good night's sleep and my new bed makes that SO easy to get! It is soft, but not too soft and I can't wait to hop into bed after a long day.

4. My roommate and I watched a sappy chick flick today. At one point we were both doing our best not to cry since we were planning on going out for the night. Luckily there was a good ending to it all. I'm always thankful for good endings!

5. I'm thankful that everyone else looks as ridiculous as I feel when I bowl.

Day 4

The "y" key on my laptop no longer works. It apparently felt a bit under-appreciated and unloved because it just stopped working one day.

This makes typing things difficult.

Luckily, I've gotten pretty dang good at using CTRL+V to copy and paste whenever I need it. Of course the downside is that sometimes when I'm at work I forget and paste instead of just typing a "y". Oh well, these things happen, right?

I'm thankful for copy and paste.

Day 3: 3 Hub Caps and 287 Emails

I'm sitting in my office at the end of what has been a rather interesting day.

I came into work early to make as many phone calls and send out some emails (287 total actually). I worked all morning with little response. I decided to take a break and run to lunch at my favorite burger stand. When I returned I walked around to the other side of my car and noticed one of my hubcaps was missing.

Just one.

I have no idea where it went or what happened since I haven't exactly taken my little car off-roading recently. Nonetheless, it was gone. I then came back and started working again. I didn't get around to actually eating my burger for about an hour after I bought it. My brilliant plan of eating lunch at my desk meant that I kept getting interrupted with a million little questions. When I finally did get around to eating, I realized that half of my burger was a bit to pink for my taste. Sadly, I wrapped the remaining bites up in the foil and tossed it into the garbage can.

Hours passed and I still was having trouble getting any response. I started to feel particularly frustrated when I suddenly heard my co-worker humming the tune for "Hotel California". At some point her humming turned into singing and I found myself tapping my foot and signing along. After rummaging around on the internet I found a copy of the song and started playing it for us. We sat there with the music blasting for the whole 6 minutes. I continued digging and within a few minutes had a list of some old favorites from my childhood.

I've spent the last hour listing to some of my favorite songs from the 60s and 70s. Sure I didn't grow up when they were big hits, but they were the songs that were always playing in my dad's truck growing up.

I'm thankful for the smile that a song can bring to my face when it brings to my mind the wonderful memories of my childhood. "American Pie" is currently playing and you can bet my toes are tapping along. A lost hubcap and a million unanswered emails no longer seem quite as important.

Day 2

I love Hulu.

What?

Was that not what you were thinking would be my post on the second day? Oh sure I'm thankful for my family, my job, and a million other things that one might think would fall higher on the list than a website dedicated to some of my favorite shows, but who said this blog would be in order?

I am thankful for Hulu because sometimes after a long day all I really want to do is cuddle up in my bed and watch that show I missed the day before because life was too crazy for a 30 minute break. Sometimes when I'm feeling a tad bit homesick, I find myself watching some of the shows from my childhood. It isn't a big thing, but it is enough to remind me of a myriad of good times I had growing up and the fact that I really have been very blessed.

Day 1

I was raised in a state without snow. It was a place where we prided ourselves on the ability to wear flip-flops all year long. The closest I came to a "White Christmas" was when we would wake up early and see some fog outside and the grass was thinly veiled in frost. By the time our presents had been opened the fog and the frost had burned away and all that was needed was a sweatshirt. Pure bliss my friends!

It has been several years since I lived in such a place. Instead I'm suddenly "experiencing all 4 seasons" as my co-worker lovingly pointed out. I still experience warm summers but my winters are a bit more chilly than I'm used to. 

Last week we had our first snow. I can handle snow when it is Christmas time and I don't have anything to do besides stay in my pj's all day and sip hot coco by the fire, unfortunately the snow came on a Wednesday and thus I found myself grumbling as I threw on as many layers as possible before heading out the door. I turned on my car and set my heater on high as I dug through my trunk for my ice scraper. 

As I sat there pushing away the snow I looked up at the mountains that surround my small town.They looked so completely majestic that I had to stop what I was doing for a moment to take it all in. The sun was rising up behind them and I swore you could see the light bouncing off the million snowflakes that were starting to fall again. 

It was beautiful.

Later that afternoon the sun prevailed and the snow in the valley around my home melted away to reveal the gorgeous fall colors. The mountains however, remained snow-capped and I found myself staring later that day at the contrast. 

The weather has warmed back up and I'm sure we won't see any more snow flurries for at least a couple of weeks (for which my toes and fingers are thankful) but when the flakes start to fly again, I will be ready. The thing is that sometimes, there is nothing more beautiful than a fresh layer of pure snow.

Always Counting

There seem to be so many things in my life that contribute to a bad day. The old adage "when it rains, it pours" seems to be true more often than not. Too often I find myself falling into bed (literally, it happens when you don't have enough time to handle the growing piles of dirty laundry and shoes on your bedroom floor) and laying at the ceiling wondering where the day has gone. At work I'm right about at the bottom of the bottom. I'm the one who intercepts the heated phone calls that are directed at my boss and then gets the repercussions from my boss when he finally handles the upset customer. I don't complain because it is my job to be a sort of punching bag. I take it quietly on the chin, and try not to let it get me. 


Some days it does...


Just last week I found myself dabbing away tears after my boss rather unfairly snapped at me. I came home that day completely exhausted and emotionally wrecked. I closed the front door to my apartment behind me and slid to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees. I felt defeated, frustrated and alone. I started listing off all the bad things that had happened to me that day. The list grew and grew as I backtracked to the last week, month, year, and suddenly found myself reviewing my freshman year in college. At this point I was bawling (on the floor, classy, huh?) as I tried to remember to inhale between sobs. 


Then quite suddenly I realized that the pity party was accomplishing absolutely nothing. I picked up the phone and called my mother to relate to her my woes. She listened intently then asked if life was really all that bad. I stopped sobbing long enough to think and then confirmed that yes it was. I hung up the phone after a few more minutes and realized that with all my sobbing, wailing and venting, I didn't feel any better. 


Not even a little.


In fact, I felt worse.


Drudging up all the "wretched" things in my life had only left me feeling even more void of hope and any desire to get up off the floor. The floor! I looked around at the floor and suddenly felt the need to clean it. I grabbed the broom and started sweeping, then mopping, then I moved on to the living room where I proceeded to dust and vacuum. As I worked I began noticing the beautiful artwork that hung on my walls, the dresser I'd snagged from my favorite store and the couch my roommates parents had donated so we wouldn't have to sit on the floor. 


I began to count. 


I stood in the middle of the room and began working my way from one side to the next. My list began silently in my head but at some point I found myself listing off the different things I could see that I was thankful for out loud. When I finally completed my listen I smiled. The simple, quick act had made me feel much better than the hours of sobbing and self pity.


And so this blog was born.


With all the things out there in the world that can make you feel like the world is crashing down around you, sometimes all it takes to be lifted up, is to realize the blessings hiding in your life.


Now a days not much in my life has changed.


I still have the same job, the same frustrations, the same woes... but now, I'm always counting.